I was never one to think of the future in any of my plans. Whether it be squeezing the toothpaste from the top of the tube or throwing out my jack after putting the spare tire of my car, I never really thought much about how it may affect me later on until recently.

Gentlemen, if you're like me and other people in their twenties, then you are in your twenties, and such concerns as health don't really make much of a difference in the way you live your day to day life. I should warn you though that some day you will be in your forties and have an ulcer, there is no way, to the best of my knowledge, of avoiding this, and you have no other choice but to wait patiently as that small hole in your intestinal lining becomes prevalent enought to deny such pleasures in ife like nuts, popcorn, and coffee.

For the first time in my life, i decided to prepare myself for the future, that's right I am already in batting practice for a world class ulcer in the bottom left corner of my large intestines. As i type a hole is forming and splitting itself into a type of pocket where food can get stuck and infect the rest of my stomach.

The ER Doctor, i'll call her Dr. Goodfinger for purposes of anonymity, but i expect anyone who has had the pleasure of one of her rectal examinations will immediatly know which brown knuckled Angel I am speaking of. Maybe it was the ten milligrams of morphine that they seemed to be giving out liberally (considering i went in saying i had a stomach ache), or maybe it was the repeated plunges into and through the inuendo riddled cat scan machine (I was the wiener, it was the donut) but something inside me seemed to light up bright when i heard her whisper gently in my ear,
"pull down your pants, tuck in your knees to your chest, lay on your side and spread your cheeks,"

So what i'm saying is, this is a love story.