Marinara Sauce- a quick sauce, usually made last minute when sitting around the house bored peering up and down the fridge at a plethora of condiments that in no possible combination could make any true meal.

Sauce with Paste- pretty much the same as the last except the paste gives it a bit of girth which lets it be used on things other than pasta such as stringbeans and so on.


Meat Sauce- takes a good bit of effort, but pays off in the end when made right.


GRAVY- the be all and end all of Italian sauces, the only way to go about making this sauce in time for dinner is to wake up at 4 am, call your grandmother to obtain the sting which you much use on your quest up the path of darkness searching for the holy Grail, after this come some steps that don't really make sense to the sauce making process.


Because of the Mortality rate of those who cook it, it's understandable that even an italian does not eat it more than once a year, and anyone who is not italian may be allowed to join in on that meal as long as they are close friends with an italian who will vouch for them.


In some cases the "Maker of the Gravy"(MoG) chooses to not cook it for years on end, and will only even attempt it when a long lost relative requests.


So anyway, I'm eating an apple last night casting scowls around the table machine gun style, hoping to catch someone mid chew forcing them to stammer, cough, and ultimately fall dead on the table glowing maroon, with a line of spittle connecting them all the way back to their heaping plate of meatballs...