Ladies, and Gentlemen Start Your engines,
For precautionary measures I have already sucked back an entire tube of window caulking and hope it covers the hole just long enough for my mash potato volcano with gravy lava to careen straight into the toilet bowl.
Let's not talk about thanksgiving though, apparently the major corporations want us to forgo the celebrations this year, as they are already peddling their Christmas warez.
So I've decided to review some new gadgets on the Christmas market that I've never actually owned or tried,
1.Final Fantasy Games- ok, squaresoft decided to kick it up a notch and shit out something like 35 (approximately) different final fantasy games this season and, for the first time, creating a sequel.
Now, since I haven't even begun to play a single one of these games, I can tell you right now, they are horrible.
To anyone who might pick the game up on a whim I would like you to take a step back, think back to your childhood, the day after Father D'Angelo touched you in the naughty place. Mom and Dad took you to a movie, ok now you got it.
yup, that's right, it was Goonies
now you remember when they went into the Fratelli's basement and you first saw sloth?
THAT IS WHAT YOU WILL LOOK LIKE WHEN YOU ARE DONE PLAYING FINAL FANTASY.
That game is a virus that rapes you through your finger pores and eyeholes,
you will NOT do anything productive
that girl who you go on a date with in the game is NOT real
you do NOT actually have any magic powers
and it is NOT a major life accomplishment to beat the game.
you have been warned
p.s.- you online gamers would be good to take my advice on this one too, because that guy sitting on the corner selling potions is NOT really an Orc who fought enough battles to acquire two of every item there is to have in the world, he's a 30 year old sitting in front of a computer, who got kicked out of the medieval fair and likes to type in old english, even if he's playing a game that takes place in the year 20xx
everything else being sold this Christmas is a great buy for a great price, so grab yer credit cards and head on out
oh, and I hear the new Panasonic HDTV Plasma screen has installed a state of the art life like working vagina on the back, since its picture is so beautiful.
For precautionary measures I have already sucked back an entire tube of window caulking and hope it covers the hole just long enough for my mash potato volcano with gravy lava to careen straight into the toilet bowl.
Let's not talk about thanksgiving though, apparently the major corporations want us to forgo the celebrations this year, as they are already peddling their Christmas warez.
So I've decided to review some new gadgets on the Christmas market that I've never actually owned or tried,
1.Final Fantasy Games- ok, squaresoft decided to kick it up a notch and shit out something like 35 (approximately) different final fantasy games this season and, for the first time, creating a sequel.
Now, since I haven't even begun to play a single one of these games, I can tell you right now, they are horrible.
To anyone who might pick the game up on a whim I would like you to take a step back, think back to your childhood, the day after Father D'Angelo touched you in the naughty place. Mom and Dad took you to a movie, ok now you got it.
yup, that's right, it was Goonies
now you remember when they went into the Fratelli's basement and you first saw sloth?
THAT IS WHAT YOU WILL LOOK LIKE WHEN YOU ARE DONE PLAYING FINAL FANTASY.
That game is a virus that rapes you through your finger pores and eyeholes,
you will NOT do anything productive
that girl who you go on a date with in the game is NOT real
you do NOT actually have any magic powers
and it is NOT a major life accomplishment to beat the game.
you have been warned
p.s.- you online gamers would be good to take my advice on this one too, because that guy sitting on the corner selling potions is NOT really an Orc who fought enough battles to acquire two of every item there is to have in the world, he's a 30 year old sitting in front of a computer, who got kicked out of the medieval fair and likes to type in old english, even if he's playing a game that takes place in the year 20xx
everything else being sold this Christmas is a great buy for a great price, so grab yer credit cards and head on out
oh, and I hear the new Panasonic HDTV Plasma screen has installed a state of the art life like working vagina on the back, since its picture is so beautiful.
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