I made it to class a little late today, having to settle in to a seat that I'm not usually accustomed to, right in front of the entire class.

I felt everyone's eyes on the back of my head, as I slid out my palm pilot, hooked it up to my keyboard and set up for class.

This class is intro to computers, so the students are stuck working on old Commodore machines and I had to wait five minutes as my vintage shit box loaded up.

"nice job doofus," I heard in the corner of my ear

"shit," I thought... "I'm definitely sitting next to a frat boy,"

I took a sip of my coffee and turned my head slowly towards the overgrown chimp,

apparently his friend appreciated his choice of using the word "doofus," and they celebrated their colloquial achievement with a full on high five.


"you my friend," I began to say, "are truly a fuckin retard,"

"what'd he just say to me?," The head frat boy said to his sidekick, turning his head from side to side, scratching his ass.. and trying very hard to point out the iron on Greek letters on his sweater,

"Don't you know I can kill you?.. or, or"
"give you a knuckle sandwich, yeah, a knuckle sandwich," chimed in the loyal sidecick

I took another sip of my coffee, and looked over to the dynamic duo..
I went to say more, but instead I just turned back to my computer and started tappin away at the keyboard
"what's a matter ... eh.. uhh... DOOFUS," Fratboy 1 squealed with delight at his master skill for cracking wise
"doofus, doofus, doofus.." and so he went, turning literally red with joy as he flicked my ear and scratched his balls....
His 1/8 clone began to giggle maniacally, and start grabbing his shit and tossing it around the room....

I thought about taking my intro to computer skills and using it to make his comp grow legs chase him to the front of the room and dry hump him for a few hours... but I simply didn't have the skillz, then I began to wonder why the teacher wasn't stepping in to stop my assailant, or at least to calm down the kid throwing his shit around..
The I started to wonder who that kid I had a conversation with in the blog on the 4th was.... and what his name was... and if he was a guy... hmmm..

enough was enough at this point, I couldn't let this overgrown beast get the better of me, ignoring his existence didn't seem to work... my usual "you wouldn't like when I'm angry" stares didn't seem to work... so I need a plan 3...

I slowly stood up from my chair, I threw all my palm pilot stuff in my bag and shut down my computer...

I made sure I had everything I took in with me, and I stared out at the entire classroom who , in between ducking out on wads of flying fecal matter, were pointing and laughing at me...

I slung my bag over my shoulder, not hooking my arm through the loop, just letting it rest there, and I walked slowly towards the class exit...

just as it looked like I was about to leave the room,
I slid my bag off from my shoulder and spun around quickly, allowing the bag to circle over my head and fly down in my hands like a sledge hammer with incredible force, there was a crack so loud it echoed throughout the hallways, and somewhere a flock of birds scattered from a tree.

The class was dead silent now, I had obviously shown them that I was not one to be messed with, that's right, with my one fell swoop
I sent Jenny, the classes paraplegic girl, straight to the floor
her wheelchair was in pieces and she laid on the ground, fingers outstretched , legs flopped like dead weight beneath her, her eyes rolled halfway back in her head, and she screamed that type of retard groan and cry that has forced many a father to smother their young with a pillow.

I stole a hat from her quadriplegic boyfriend Darius, tossed it onto my head, tipping it down over my eyes, and nodding my head to the deadly quiet classroom

"DUDE," the two simeon fratboys screamed in unison, and ran towards me full speed

I lost count, but judging from the number of smacks that I heard,
I may have received as much as forty or even fifty high fives...

"my work here is done," said as I tossed Darius gently to the floor, and rode into the sunset on his motorized wheelchair.