"wouldn't want those damn non smokers to give out a little cough now would we?" I thought as I sat huddled in between two sliding glass doors, just outside the lobby of the chateau Brion.
I hate weddings, I hate being invited to them, I hate RSVP's and I truly hate having to hover over a toilet after a piece of prime rib disagrees me, with a bathroom attendant standing next to the stall, knee deep in my ass stink waiting for me to drop my load so I can take one of his shitty paper towels and give him a dollar.
The doors were on a motion detector so I had to be careful to smoke standing completely still or else feel nature's fury as a strong gust of 12 degree wind passed through my bones and sent me flying through the opening glass doors landing once again in a curled up ball on the lobby floor,
This is part where a 3 foot tall Mexican valet walks up to me
"maybe should quit smoking senior, s'bad fer yer health"
"Pepe," I said stumbling back onto my feet, wiping off the shit from my coat and picking a smoldering ash from my eye, "I'm gonna need for you to shut the fuck up and go find where my balls landed,"
Pepe gave me a smiling nod that let me know he has already pissed and or shat in something I've eaten, and then scampered down the hall to grab a mop.
It was just too much work to head back out and finish my cigarette at that point, so I headed back up to the party room, entering to a sea of turned heads, each wondering why the hell I leave every five minutes.
I've made it a point to order a drink form the waitress right before I leave for a smoke, that way I can come back to a nice tall martini, and no expectant waitress waiting for a tip, but it seems that this time she caught on, and was standing in front of my seat, with my drink in hand .. I thought of heading back downstairs and having another cigarette, but the effort would have been too great, so instead I just sat and stared at the young woman from across the room..
A tension began to grow, like a taught wire connecting us from thirty feet away... She didn't seem to budge as I just stood there...
"fine," I thought," she wants a showdown, she's got a showdown.."
I walked into the corner of the room and faced the wall, I began jackin my shit... not enough to get me off completely mind you, just enough to get me up to a straight 6.
I made my way back across the room, cock in pants. and a five dollar bill hanging off the end..
I walked up to the young woman and let her know that she was doing a bang up job and that I had a tip for her.
She smiled quickly and put out her hand...
at this point I unzipped my fly and let loose what can only be described as, "my dick"
"come and get it," I began to say as Pepe knocked me over the back of the head with a champagne bottle.. My girlfriend was screaming as blood trickled down my face, and her parents turned bright red as they stared down at my unconscious body, cock out and a five dollar bill flapping around in the breeze like a good old American flag...
It was a noble site to see, and needless to say.. I think I got my name off of a couple of wedding invitations.
I hate weddings, I hate being invited to them, I hate RSVP's and I truly hate having to hover over a toilet after a piece of prime rib disagrees me, with a bathroom attendant standing next to the stall, knee deep in my ass stink waiting for me to drop my load so I can take one of his shitty paper towels and give him a dollar.
The doors were on a motion detector so I had to be careful to smoke standing completely still or else feel nature's fury as a strong gust of 12 degree wind passed through my bones and sent me flying through the opening glass doors landing once again in a curled up ball on the lobby floor,
This is part where a 3 foot tall Mexican valet walks up to me
"maybe should quit smoking senior, s'bad fer yer health"
"Pepe," I said stumbling back onto my feet, wiping off the shit from my coat and picking a smoldering ash from my eye, "I'm gonna need for you to shut the fuck up and go find where my balls landed,"
Pepe gave me a smiling nod that let me know he has already pissed and or shat in something I've eaten, and then scampered down the hall to grab a mop.
It was just too much work to head back out and finish my cigarette at that point, so I headed back up to the party room, entering to a sea of turned heads, each wondering why the hell I leave every five minutes.
I've made it a point to order a drink form the waitress right before I leave for a smoke, that way I can come back to a nice tall martini, and no expectant waitress waiting for a tip, but it seems that this time she caught on, and was standing in front of my seat, with my drink in hand .. I thought of heading back downstairs and having another cigarette, but the effort would have been too great, so instead I just sat and stared at the young woman from across the room..
A tension began to grow, like a taught wire connecting us from thirty feet away... She didn't seem to budge as I just stood there...
"fine," I thought," she wants a showdown, she's got a showdown.."
I walked into the corner of the room and faced the wall, I began jackin my shit... not enough to get me off completely mind you, just enough to get me up to a straight 6.
I made my way back across the room, cock in pants. and a five dollar bill hanging off the end..
I walked up to the young woman and let her know that she was doing a bang up job and that I had a tip for her.
She smiled quickly and put out her hand...
at this point I unzipped my fly and let loose what can only be described as, "my dick"
"come and get it," I began to say as Pepe knocked me over the back of the head with a champagne bottle.. My girlfriend was screaming as blood trickled down my face, and her parents turned bright red as they stared down at my unconscious body, cock out and a five dollar bill flapping around in the breeze like a good old American flag...
It was a noble site to see, and needless to say.. I think I got my name off of a couple of wedding invitations.
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