I can see the daybreak before it hits everymorning, thanks to an architectural oddity in the church across the street that forces it to catch sparse photons from the atmosphere and project them onto my face through the window.

I usually trick myself into thinking I've gone back to sleep for a couple of hours, but I know I'm awake already, and if it wasn't for that mongoloid rummaging through my recycle bin looking for bottles I wouldn't have even stood up for another hour at least.

"That's MINE!!," I scream at the nami motherfucker while I knock on my window face red, balls flapping in the breeze, pointing to an empty bottle of kettle one he's holding in his hand.

His face contorts so his lips are almost touching his right ear and he stares down out me looking frail and tired. When He goes to put back the bottle back I'm sure to scream, "all of it is mine ass," and I giggle as I watch him walk down the street looking to pillage from the trash of others.

It's better than push-ups, and this type of activity gets my heart pumping in the morning.

refreshed I walk to the kitchen and start brewing myself a pot of coffee, when I hear my neighbor upstairs fucking, making the effort to seem interested in the act, but the lack of true passion shining through...

I never thought I'd find myself doing something this cliche', but there I was standing on a chair with a broom in my hand slamming on the sweet spot underneath her bed,
"I SWEAR TO GOD," I scream, "I'M GONNA TELL YOUR BOYFRIEND IF YOU DON'T START HAVING YOUR SLORISH SEX AT A REASONABLE HOUR!!"

it's not that I care what she does with her personal life, but everybody knows that afternoon doesn't really start until 3pm on Sunday.. even ten minutes before that is still the crack of dawn.

I head back to my room and open the windows, propping up my futon into couch mode and spin it around to a perfect panoramic of the street outside. Sweating slightly, I return to the kitchen and stare at the coffee pot.. only two cups of water to brew, then I can drink it.

I see that the recycling bandit is back in front of my apt again, so I call the landlord, to let him know that there's some fucktard selling crack outside....

I check my watch and throw a bag of popcorn in the microwave..
5 minutes later, there I am, sitting on my futon, watching the street, drinking coffee straight from the pot and chewing popcorn, happy, smiling, naked... any minute now

Everybody thinks conductors just wave a baton around until the song is over, but those of us in the know, realize that they are the people who brought together the integral elements to create the wonderful symphony, which people have come to enjoy. The baton waving is just the pay off, the reason to be there as the audience gets lost in the joy of the performance.

Smiling, I begin to shake my pot of coffee up and down in meter, spilling a little on my balls.

BANG
the front door above me opens, there they are..

"What did he mean TELL YOUR BOYFRIEND?!!," her boyfriend said running out onto the street, nearly as naked as I am, and turning to her on top of the steps with his arms up and his face sneering.

It's gonna be a waltz I think, so I start counting in threes, waving my coffee pot over my head like a drunk Irishman on a Monday.

My landlord walks out onto the street, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, and looking back and forth between the retard and the enraged boyfriend, trying to figure out who's selling crack...

realizing that the retarded probably couldn't defend himself, the landlord decided to walk up to him and ask him about crack selling..

the retard turned red and started spouting insanity.

The retard turned to the landlord and screamed "JUDAS, JUDAS" red with anger and spitting all over his own face.

I let out a quick fart

the retard turns to the angry boyfriend, "JONAS, JONAS!!," he screams, pointing at his cock..

finally to the pleading girlfriend, the tard screams, "JEZEBEL!!"

"You're fucking a retard?" enraged boyfriend screams at crying girlfriend.

"Crack Dealer," Landlord corrects angry boyfriend.

"CRESCENDO," I scream pounding the coffee pot on my windowsill

Enrage boyfriend heel kicks retard,then spins into a ball punch at the landlord..

"GLORIOUS," I scream, "GLORIOUS," I start chanting, "GENIUS."


Cops pull up, for the big finale, landlord gropes at cop car, screaming about his balls..
retard screams "THE MEEK, THE MEEK," in perfect rhythm to enraged boyfriend's head kicks..

Cops jump on enraged boyfriend, with a baton.

I'm jumping up and down, face purple, waving my coffee pot left and right.
Girlfriend in underwear jumps on cop's head to protect enraged boyfriend..

enraged boyfriend turns and sees half naked girlfriend, "YOU WHORE!!," YOU WHORE!!"

And it's a pistol whip from large cop for the enraged boyfriend.. Cop number two grabs screaming girlfriend, and Eunich Landlord, throw them into the back of the cop car... cuff enraged boyfriend, throw him into another car.

I break my coffee pot, blasting my balls, neck, face, chest, and head area with hot coffee, and drop the shades as I take my final bow to the cop cars screeching off into the night...

I call up my cable company and explain that I don't think I really need those premium channels anymore.