The grey Sentra tore ass down the highway, dodging rain drops and weaving excessively through hordes of old people drivers.
Inside the vehicle, The Suffra sat chainsmoking with the window closed to shield himself from the rain. Engulfed in a cloud of his own smoke, and gasping for air he found himself cursing the god of rain "the rain god," for stuffing him in this shitty position.
"Fuckin Shool," I said out loud, as a semi attempted illegally to overtake me in the left lane of the highway. I thumbed through the papers at my side, waving the clouds of smoke to the side just to read the letter from my College, letting me know that it is essential for me to go to campus.
"not today," I muttered towards the 18 wheeler as I floored the gas long enough to get ahead of him, slamming on the brakes once I was squarely in front of him, just to see it jackknife and flip into the divider...
with the exception of some traffic light altercations, in which The Suffra had to open an old's man's door and wake him up so he can see that the traffic light turned grean, the rest of the drive in was uneventful...
"It always rains when I come here," I thought as I circled the parking lot for three hours looking for a spot to park. Laughing nearly every other time it happened, the last time I realized that what I thought was going to be an open spot ended up being a small car parked next to a little car.. I decided to plow the little car which disguised itself as an open space, and send it crashing into the Law School.. and proceeded to head to the administration office...
"I'm here," I screamed as I walked into the financial aid office, startling the receptionist momentarily, "You sent me a letter with the word URGENT on it, so I'm here," I continued, slamming on her desk..
"have a seat," she said, pointing towards a sea of chairs, all filled with apathetic looking 20 somethings, waiting, "URGENT" letters in hand..
"I guess I'll just have a stand," I said in my, I know it's not funny, I'm not trying to be, I'm trying to let you know I'm pissed voice.
"Whatever," she shot back in her, I make minimum wage voice.. and The Suffra's eye began to twitch.
I took my place amongst the chairs, not sitting, rather finding an awkward angle to stand at, which should have shielded me from eye-contact and conversation.
"got an Urgent letter huh?," apparantly my trajectory was off...
Without turning, I grabbed my eyelid, attempting to manually override the twitch which was beginning to run down my cheek, "please don't talk to me right now... please," I pleaded sincerely.
"I got one too."
GREAT I thought, He's in a chatty mood
"Listen buddy," I said turning around to begin some strange monologue guaranteed to end in a tard smack... but my tirade was cut short...
loser chatty kid wasn't attempting to talk to The Suffra. He was trying to pick up nerdy "I smell shit," faced girl sitting next to him...
Shit I realized, This one miscommunication officially makes chatty loser kid cooler than me for the sole fact that I flubbed on his target... FUCK
Hours pass inside these sterile walls, as one by one, the kids with the "URGENT" letters get called up, when it's finally The Suffra's time to go, minimum wage making lady points to a desk replete with older making slightly more than minimum wage, hates her career, life choices, and people around her lady...
I took a seat... "I have an 'URGENT' let.."
"NAME?" She cut me off... SHE CUT ME OFF
"The Suffra," I said angrily, the entire right side of my face twitching at this point.
"First name?"... and the pace is set, apparantly this woman loves nothing more than making people with futures seem dumb in her own mind... which means I don't have to play nice..
"THE," I said shortly, "that's why I spell it uppercase."
"I can read thank you," She said, obviously shaken by my superior witt..
"Very good," I said clapping my hands, then patting her head, then giving her breast a quick squeeze right below the knee as I winked and shot the finger gun," now why was it urgent that I come here?"
obviously bitter from the verbal bitch slap, she went to silent mode.. tapping away at the computer in front of her, and fiercely avoiding eye contact with The Suffra...
Steady I thought, this is a trap remembering embittered old airport worker, DMV lady, and bank teller who attempted to set this trap for me...
any attempt to ask why she went into silent mode, or what she was doing would have been met with the raised index finger, and perhaps even the annoyed "ONE SECOND," thus tipping the scales in her favor...
To show that I was wise to her ways, I leaned back in my chair, and began trying to find new areas that aren't proper to scratch (I'd been told I scratch my balls too much).
Just as I thought I'd run out of places to scratch, and snaked my hand down my gut to reach the golden scratching land she cleared her throat...
"you need to fill out your FAFSA"
"..." I said, and realizing that I hadn't actually said anything continued, "The one I'm supposed to fill out online?"
"yes"
My fist stopped inches from her shin which was shielded by her saggy breast, "Why am I here?"
"that was it," She said, smirking gently realizing that she had gotten the upperhand finally..
"BULLSHIT," I screamed slamming my closed fist down on the desk and executing the one hand cigarette light with perfection...
"now," I said, blowing smoked into her toothy grin, being sure to aim for the gaps in the front teeth, "you go find me something to sign, or hand me a piece of paper that only you have before I shit down your blouse."
"There's nothing for you," she said, still smiling, attempting not to show fear...
"What's this?" I said picking up a piece of paper out from under her "I hate mondays" coffee mug..
"Those are the results from my last pap smear," she said, "apparantly I may have to go in for.."
I quickly stole a pen from the "I hate tuesday's" coffee mug, Signed the Pap Smear results, crumbled them into a ball, and punch forced them through the woman's fuckin throat...
I smile ran accross my face, as I stood and shook her breast, "thanks for your time"
Now it was time to go
Inside the vehicle, The Suffra sat chainsmoking with the window closed to shield himself from the rain. Engulfed in a cloud of his own smoke, and gasping for air he found himself cursing the god of rain "the rain god," for stuffing him in this shitty position.
"Fuckin Shool," I said out loud, as a semi attempted illegally to overtake me in the left lane of the highway. I thumbed through the papers at my side, waving the clouds of smoke to the side just to read the letter from my College, letting me know that it is essential for me to go to campus.
"not today," I muttered towards the 18 wheeler as I floored the gas long enough to get ahead of him, slamming on the brakes once I was squarely in front of him, just to see it jackknife and flip into the divider...
with the exception of some traffic light altercations, in which The Suffra had to open an old's man's door and wake him up so he can see that the traffic light turned grean, the rest of the drive in was uneventful...
"It always rains when I come here," I thought as I circled the parking lot for three hours looking for a spot to park. Laughing nearly every other time it happened, the last time I realized that what I thought was going to be an open spot ended up being a small car parked next to a little car.. I decided to plow the little car which disguised itself as an open space, and send it crashing into the Law School.. and proceeded to head to the administration office...
"I'm here," I screamed as I walked into the financial aid office, startling the receptionist momentarily, "You sent me a letter with the word URGENT on it, so I'm here," I continued, slamming on her desk..
"have a seat," she said, pointing towards a sea of chairs, all filled with apathetic looking 20 somethings, waiting, "URGENT" letters in hand..
"I guess I'll just have a stand," I said in my, I know it's not funny, I'm not trying to be, I'm trying to let you know I'm pissed voice.
"Whatever," she shot back in her, I make minimum wage voice.. and The Suffra's eye began to twitch.
I took my place amongst the chairs, not sitting, rather finding an awkward angle to stand at, which should have shielded me from eye-contact and conversation.
"got an Urgent letter huh?," apparantly my trajectory was off...
Without turning, I grabbed my eyelid, attempting to manually override the twitch which was beginning to run down my cheek, "please don't talk to me right now... please," I pleaded sincerely.
"I got one too."
GREAT I thought, He's in a chatty mood
"Listen buddy," I said turning around to begin some strange monologue guaranteed to end in a tard smack... but my tirade was cut short...
loser chatty kid wasn't attempting to talk to The Suffra. He was trying to pick up nerdy "I smell shit," faced girl sitting next to him...
Shit I realized, This one miscommunication officially makes chatty loser kid cooler than me for the sole fact that I flubbed on his target... FUCK
Hours pass inside these sterile walls, as one by one, the kids with the "URGENT" letters get called up, when it's finally The Suffra's time to go, minimum wage making lady points to a desk replete with older making slightly more than minimum wage, hates her career, life choices, and people around her lady...
I took a seat... "I have an 'URGENT' let.."
"NAME?" She cut me off... SHE CUT ME OFF
"The Suffra," I said angrily, the entire right side of my face twitching at this point.
"First name?"... and the pace is set, apparantly this woman loves nothing more than making people with futures seem dumb in her own mind... which means I don't have to play nice..
"THE," I said shortly, "that's why I spell it uppercase."
"I can read thank you," She said, obviously shaken by my superior witt..
"Very good," I said clapping my hands, then patting her head, then giving her breast a quick squeeze right below the knee as I winked and shot the finger gun," now why was it urgent that I come here?"
obviously bitter from the verbal bitch slap, she went to silent mode.. tapping away at the computer in front of her, and fiercely avoiding eye contact with The Suffra...
Steady I thought, this is a trap remembering embittered old airport worker, DMV lady, and bank teller who attempted to set this trap for me...
any attempt to ask why she went into silent mode, or what she was doing would have been met with the raised index finger, and perhaps even the annoyed "ONE SECOND," thus tipping the scales in her favor...
To show that I was wise to her ways, I leaned back in my chair, and began trying to find new areas that aren't proper to scratch (I'd been told I scratch my balls too much).
Just as I thought I'd run out of places to scratch, and snaked my hand down my gut to reach the golden scratching land she cleared her throat...
"you need to fill out your FAFSA"
"..." I said, and realizing that I hadn't actually said anything continued, "The one I'm supposed to fill out online?"
"yes"
My fist stopped inches from her shin which was shielded by her saggy breast, "Why am I here?"
"that was it," She said, smirking gently realizing that she had gotten the upperhand finally..
"BULLSHIT," I screamed slamming my closed fist down on the desk and executing the one hand cigarette light with perfection...
"now," I said, blowing smoked into her toothy grin, being sure to aim for the gaps in the front teeth, "you go find me something to sign, or hand me a piece of paper that only you have before I shit down your blouse."
"There's nothing for you," she said, still smiling, attempting not to show fear...
"What's this?" I said picking up a piece of paper out from under her "I hate mondays" coffee mug..
"Those are the results from my last pap smear," she said, "apparantly I may have to go in for.."
I quickly stole a pen from the "I hate tuesday's" coffee mug, Signed the Pap Smear results, crumbled them into a ball, and punch forced them through the woman's fuckin throat...
I smile ran accross my face, as I stood and shook her breast, "thanks for your time"
Now it was time to go
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