In the hopes that someone is still listening,someone with a short temper, and a penchant for angry letters, I've decided to be truthful with my dear readership about some things on my mind.


1. It's not that Matrix Revolutions was a piece of crap.. It was the fact that a trilogy was built on a shitty first movie. The matrix is just a cheap splicing of 1984 and metropolis, by two directors that have been working for the past few years to ressurect Phillip K Dick so they can perform the oral sex on him.

2. Star wars sux. ... Oh he's talking about the prequels... no, star wars is a piece of shit, and it always was. Now, I understand that some of you have a soft spot in your heart for George Lucas, and to that i say... go right on ahead and fund that massive crack addiction that forces him to shit out 6 straight sinkers.


3. It's not a baby... it just isn't.. in my opinion the only reason abortions shouldn't be legal is because they aren't televised... and executed by a chainsmoker with a coat hanger.

4 Sean Hannity, Bill O'reilly, Anne Coulter, and Rush Limbaugh are all a part of the international Liberal jewish conspiracy trying to scare people into leaving the right wing, in fear of being grouped in with those four mongloid war mongers.

5.Homosexuals SHOULD (or not) have the right to get married in Christian churches by the pope (which ever offends you more)

6. Your mother is a whore


thank you.. and good night

Flipping through the channels last night, I came upon what possibly could be the finest piece of programming I have ever seen in my entire life.

I thought that I had a pretty good thing going with these blogs. I thought I was really making a difference, but I realize now that I am small potatoes.

There is a man, a glorious man, a servant of god. This man's name is Benny Hinn, and he is a church leader in the Charismatic Christian Faith.

I watched, half paying attention at first, as he spoke to a congregation of half a million people. I thought I had him pinned as another crooked televangelist out to exploit people's faith for money, until I realized that he was siphoning power from a higher entity for the greater good of the world.


In my travels I may meet up to as many as two or even three disabled people a day. I realized at a rather young age that people of this persuasion do not like to be treated condescendingly, they don't like to be patronized, and they don't like to be pitied. This is how I found my life's work.

Benny Hinn must have realized the same thing that I have because I watched as god's glitches flocked to his sermons, limping, rolling, crawling, sometimes forcing an embittered relative to carry them.

There was a lot of music, a lot of praying, and a lot of light shows going on, but that was just spectacle. In fact, the whole sermon was just a build up to the last five minutes. When Hinn shot out the order, a sea of mongloids, retards, lame, and other living dead flowed up towards the stage, lining up along the sides and waiting in line.

"This could get interesting," I said, giving myself a couple of gratifying scratches and leaning towards the screen to get a better look at what was going on.

I was busy fingering the bottom of a bag of potato stix so I missed the first one, but when I looked up I saw this Hinn standing over a woman who was convulsing widely on the floor.

"PICK HER BACK UP!!" he screamed wildly, turning bright red and inadvertently covering this dear woman with spit.

It took a moment, but they brought her back up, and BAM he smacked her dead across the face, then turned and ran halfway across the stage and jump kicked a leper.

Just then, I think Tiny Tim walked onto the stage, dancing wildly and holding his crutches up above his head. My good man Benny walked up to the child, glowing with praise, and smiling wildly at the small child. He grabbed the crutch out of the child's hands and held it up for the congregation to see, they screamed wildly as Hinn grabbed the crutch in both hands and swung low, knocking out timmy's legs to the delight of the crowd.

For twenty minutes, Hinn ran back and forth across the stage hitting midgets, tards, cripples, and I think I even saw Fidget take a bootheel to the face.


Benny Hinn, god bless you, as he already has, and as I'm sure he will continue to.

I made it to class a little late today, having to settle in to a seat that I'm not usually accustomed to, right in front of the entire class.

I felt everyone's eyes on the back of my head, as I slid out my palm pilot, hooked it up to my keyboard and set up for class.

This class is intro to computers, so the students are stuck working on old Commodore machines and I had to wait five minutes as my vintage shit box loaded up.

"nice job doofus," I heard in the corner of my ear

"shit," I thought... "I'm definitely sitting next to a frat boy,"

I took a sip of my coffee and turned my head slowly towards the overgrown chimp,

apparently his friend appreciated his choice of using the word "doofus," and they celebrated their colloquial achievement with a full on high five.


"you my friend," I began to say, "are truly a fuckin retard,"

"what'd he just say to me?," The head frat boy said to his sidekick, turning his head from side to side, scratching his ass.. and trying very hard to point out the iron on Greek letters on his sweater,

"Don't you know I can kill you?.. or, or"
"give you a knuckle sandwich, yeah, a knuckle sandwich," chimed in the loyal sidecick

I took another sip of my coffee, and looked over to the dynamic duo..
I went to say more, but instead I just turned back to my computer and started tappin away at the keyboard
"what's a matter ... eh.. uhh... DOOFUS," Fratboy 1 squealed with delight at his master skill for cracking wise
"doofus, doofus, doofus.." and so he went, turning literally red with joy as he flicked my ear and scratched his balls....
His 1/8 clone began to giggle maniacally, and start grabbing his shit and tossing it around the room....

I thought about taking my intro to computer skills and using it to make his comp grow legs chase him to the front of the room and dry hump him for a few hours... but I simply didn't have the skillz, then I began to wonder why the teacher wasn't stepping in to stop my assailant, or at least to calm down the kid throwing his shit around..
The I started to wonder who that kid I had a conversation with in the blog on the 4th was.... and what his name was... and if he was a guy... hmmm..

enough was enough at this point, I couldn't let this overgrown beast get the better of me, ignoring his existence didn't seem to work... my usual "you wouldn't like when I'm angry" stares didn't seem to work... so I need a plan 3...

I slowly stood up from my chair, I threw all my palm pilot stuff in my bag and shut down my computer...

I made sure I had everything I took in with me, and I stared out at the entire classroom who , in between ducking out on wads of flying fecal matter, were pointing and laughing at me...

I slung my bag over my shoulder, not hooking my arm through the loop, just letting it rest there, and I walked slowly towards the class exit...

just as it looked like I was about to leave the room,
I slid my bag off from my shoulder and spun around quickly, allowing the bag to circle over my head and fly down in my hands like a sledge hammer with incredible force, there was a crack so loud it echoed throughout the hallways, and somewhere a flock of birds scattered from a tree.

The class was dead silent now, I had obviously shown them that I was not one to be messed with, that's right, with my one fell swoop
I sent Jenny, the classes paraplegic girl, straight to the floor
her wheelchair was in pieces and she laid on the ground, fingers outstretched , legs flopped like dead weight beneath her, her eyes rolled halfway back in her head, and she screamed that type of retard groan and cry that has forced many a father to smother their young with a pillow.

I stole a hat from her quadriplegic boyfriend Darius, tossed it onto my head, tipping it down over my eyes, and nodding my head to the deadly quiet classroom

"DUDE," the two simeon fratboys screamed in unison, and ran towards me full speed

I lost count, but judging from the number of smacks that I heard,
I may have received as much as forty or even fifty high fives...

"my work here is done," said as I tossed Darius gently to the floor, and rode into the sunset on his motorized wheelchair.

"wouldn't want those damn non smokers to give out a little cough now would we?" I thought as I sat huddled in between two sliding glass doors, just outside the lobby of the chateau Brion.

I hate weddings, I hate being invited to them, I hate RSVP's and I truly hate having to hover over a toilet after a piece of prime rib disagrees me, with a bathroom attendant standing next to the stall, knee deep in my ass stink waiting for me to drop my load so I can take one of his shitty paper towels and give him a dollar.

The doors were on a motion detector so I had to be careful to smoke standing completely still or else feel nature's fury as a strong gust of 12 degree wind passed through my bones and sent me flying through the opening glass doors landing once again in a curled up ball on the lobby floor,

This is part where a 3 foot tall Mexican valet walks up to me
"maybe should quit smoking senior, s'bad fer yer health"

"Pepe," I said stumbling back onto my feet, wiping off the shit from my coat and picking a smoldering ash from my eye, "I'm gonna need for you to shut the fuck up and go find where my balls landed,"

Pepe gave me a smiling nod that let me know he has already pissed and or shat in something I've eaten, and then scampered down the hall to grab a mop.

It was just too much work to head back out and finish my cigarette at that point, so I headed back up to the party room, entering to a sea of turned heads, each wondering why the hell I leave every five minutes.

I've made it a point to order a drink form the waitress right before I leave for a smoke, that way I can come back to a nice tall martini, and no expectant waitress waiting for a tip, but it seems that this time she caught on, and was standing in front of my seat, with my drink in hand .. I thought of heading back downstairs and having another cigarette, but the effort would have been too great, so instead I just sat and stared at the young woman from across the room..

A tension began to grow, like a taught wire connecting us from thirty feet away... She didn't seem to budge as I just stood there...
"fine," I thought," she wants a showdown, she's got a showdown.."

I walked into the corner of the room and faced the wall, I began jackin my shit... not enough to get me off completely mind you, just enough to get me up to a straight 6.


I made my way back across the room, cock in pants. and a five dollar bill hanging off the end..
I walked up to the young woman and let her know that she was doing a bang up job and that I had a tip for her.
She smiled quickly and put out her hand...
at this point I unzipped my fly and let loose what can only be described as, "my dick"
"come and get it," I began to say as Pepe knocked me over the back of the head with a champagne bottle.. My girlfriend was screaming as blood trickled down my face, and her parents turned bright red as they stared down at my unconscious body, cock out and a five dollar bill flapping around in the breeze like a good old American flag...

It was a noble site to see, and needless to say.. I think I got my name off of a couple of wedding invitations.